Frequently Asked Questions

Q. What are these masks for?
A. Gosh, I wasn't sure when I started, but I believe their purpose is usage on stage and on the screen, in fantasy adventures and short horror flicks. An human can play an animal, a monster, or a man with a mask on. Indeed, if you dislike actors, you can play a high volume of parts yourself, disguised with masks. There's an inhumanity, silence and stillness to them which can be highly effective, and there's nothing so thrilling as a dramatic unmasking. "Gasp! It was Mr Jenkins the haberdasher all along!"

Q. What are they like to wear?
With few exceptions, comfortable and close. In some, the visibility or ventilation need some mending to make the experience more palatble, but the experience isn't as claustrophobic as you might fear. That is to say, it is claustrophobic, but not horrible. They work best when you tuck extraneous neck into whatever you're working on your torso, so the start of the mask isn't visible to the outside observer, lending the suggestion that it's more head than hat.

Q. Can I borrow a mask?
A. Heck, why not? I've little use for them at this end, and I'm always glad to see them used.

Q. Would you make something for a forthcoming project of mine?
A. Sure! I'd love to make something with some purpose and use. What did you have in mind? I'm sure you can persuade me to produce something surprising and novel under your guidance, and I'm willing to experiment with ambitious designs and surprising materials.

Q. Why make them at all?
A. In 2007, The Fez of Etymology staged a production of 'Tamburlaine: The Lion of Persia (Not a Real Lion)', which called for masks for cats, lions, badgers and magnets, as well as an array of beards, capes and accoutrements. As I was always swift to thread a needle, I set about crafting the masks with little experience or planning. Over time, the material needed to be used, and so I begun idly ravelling more masks. It was my hope to produce things of beauty, but my dilettantish hands created nightmarish visions. It's my hope someone will make use of my habit, to justify the existence of such creations, though I'll admit, I do enjoy making 'em.

Q. What else do you do?
A. I write (currently aiming at some children's fiction), I produce sound-design and 'special sounds' to order, and I've been known to play the accordion, recorder and keyboard, sometimes simultaneously.

Q. Is there a God?
A. Yes there is! I'm a great admirer of all his works, and am fortunate enough to count Him a friend. I would highly recommend his partial biographies: the gospels of Luke or John, and the couple of epistles which sequelise them

Q. Why do you make such unconvincing beards?
A. They're not convincing, they're just very different to real beards. A friend of mine, by the name of Seth, was a prodigious beard-crafter before he could grow real ones, and since my real ones are even less convincing, I model my facial-hair creations after his.

Q. Do you know the way to San Jose?
A. No, my geography is famously terrible. I live just around the corner from a 'Carnegie Hall' in Headingley, West Yorkshire. Why not ask me how to get there, instead?